• Colin Yuan

Nestlé Enters The Cryptocurrency Race With “CRUNCHCoin®”

By Colin Yuan

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - Nestlé, a company known for its delicious chocolates and infant formulas, has officially entered the cryptocurrency world with the unveiling of a new, chocolate-based cryptocurrency called CRUNCHCoin® on Friday. We reached out to the CEO of Nestlé, Ulf Mark Schneider, for a comment: “If you enjoy the deliciously sweet experience of eating a Nestlé CRUNCH® chocolate bar, then you will not be disappointed with our latest foray into cryptocurrency!” Schneider heartily listened to his customers’ concerns and created CRUNCHCoin® because “here at Nestlé, we understand the importance of buying your chocolate with anonymous, untraceable cryptocurrencies, and we firmly believe in decentralized control.”

Expectations among investors, mostly children aged around 8 years old, are high for CRUNCHCoin®. Prices at the moment are low at the moment, only $12.99 a pound at CRUNCHCoin®’s official distributor, DollarTree. Over the weekend, other distributors, such as Dollar General, Ralphs, and Trader Joe’s, reported a 200% increase in their sales of CRUNCHCoin® and chaos due to sugar-high children. Although initial sales are positive, other major players in crypto such as DogeCoin, PutinCoin, and PotCoin will bring hostile competition to CRUNCHCoin®.