• Ben Volokh

Notable Stories From This Week's News

By Ben Volokh

For Sake Of Public Health And In Accordance To New Social Distancing Regulations, The NFL Forbids Tackling And Issues All Defensive Players Lassos Instead.

Seen above, new prospects make the trek to the NFL Scouting Combine at the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis. They hope to join their brethren on the Dallas Cowboys, who are now favored by every sports gambling site.

Man With Cancer Zodiac Sign Ironically Dies From Giant Crab Attack.

Man Who Threw Boomerang 3 Years Ago Still Living In Constant Fear.

BREAKING NEWS: The CIA Has Been Bugging Personal Electronics--Unplug Roombas Immediately To Keep Them From Gathering Dirt On You!

Students Lose Respect For School When They Discover Beloved School Mascot Was Taken From Free Internet Clip Art.

A group of art students at Tampa Bay Middle School were googling pictures for art class when their search “dolphin clip art” returned a picture of “Danny the Dolphin”, their much loved school mascot as the first result on Google Images. They then noticed that if you look closely at the mascot image on the backstop of their baseball field, you can see the words “iStock by Getty Images” in grey. The pre-teens were so infuriated that they uploaded a picture of their slightly overweight headmaster Dr. Esther Paquette to Google Images, so she appeared as the first result to the search “whale clip art”.

New Study Shows That The Only Thing More Frustrating Than An Unfinished Sentence Is

Zookeeper Loses Job After Obeying “DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS” Signs.

Rock Band “Lost Dog” Has Come To Town--For Concert Dates, Check Flyers On Lampposts.

Woman Sues For False Advertising After Pouring Gorilla Glue In Non-Stick Pan.