• Siji Smolev

Treadmills...

By Siji Smolev


Everyone! There’s a major public safety problem in our country and none of you have been paying attention! I’m not talking about covid, you’ve heard enough about that. I’m talking about something that you have all seen over and over again but blatantly ignored. For those of you who have gone to the gym, you know what I’m talking about, surely: You walk through the front door, make a right, and bam! 20 treadmills… If you’re like “huh?”, here’s a quick backstory. Last week, I was running on one of those death machines. All of a sudden, I saw my phone lighting up, so I looked away for two seconds, and whoops, I fell off. But those stupid treadmills... they have no mercy. That thing held on to my leg like it hadn’t eaten since the Last Supper… “chomp chomp chomp”... and that’s the story of how I lost my leg hair. So now you get what I’m talking about... I mean think about it, what other thing can you look away from for two seconds and be forced to pay that big of a price. I can literally leave the pan on the stove, take a nap, come back, and nothing will happen besides my parents yelling at me. There is nothing more dangerous than a treadmill…